Crossroads

Sometimes I wish I’d never met you

Never had those long conversations that kept us wake till dawn

Never known what it was like to be the first you spoke to in the morning

And the last to bid good night

That familiarity of looking at my wrist always uncannily on time

When a weary ‘I just got back’ were words I longed to see

Longed to hear.

They tested my patience, my very strength not to be consumed by your absence

And absence was the one constant.

I wish I had the guts to delete your childhood picture

The one you swore me to secrecy with

I wish you were not my benchmark

The intensity with which I know I can love

I wish I could see how wrong you would be for me

When you treat her that way, I imagine it would be different if it were us

A foolish notion. But I’m entitled to dream.

I enjoyed seeing you in pain.

I enjoyed the confusion and the quizzical glances

When he put his arm around me and kissed my head

I saw you watching and I stared right back

It echoed everything I felt for you once

It cut like a knife when you hugged her right in front of me

Blocking the door so I had no choice but to watch

We knew

We walked away

We never looked back

But I wrote

And herewith shall it rest.

For,

Love beckons me,

And this time I will acknowledge.

2010 so far

The New years been good to me so far. Things started on a positive note and doors were closed on certain chapters in my life with a little bit of nostalgia, nevertheless grounded by fervent knowledge to move on. 

 

Work took me to Thailand for a week on the 2nd Jan and it was by far one of the best first weeks I’ve had in years. Finally got to go Jet Skiing, though my fear of heights kept me from being daredevil and go para-sailing. Pattaya is one colourful city and the Transvestites are intriguing. Heck! some of them were prettier and more feminine than I was! 2 days in Pattaya, sunburnt & relaxed we then headed to Bangkok. I think it’s us girls who looked forward to the two days in Bangkok more. For obvious reasons! The guys looked like they were being dragged to hell! Suffice to say that the shopping in BKK once again did not let us down.

 

Now back at work things are picking up. A change in management has made work enjoyable and the passion and motivation I once thought had left me for good is now back with a vengeance. My younger sis will be tying the knot in September and the entire house is filled with wedding paraphernalia! I had no clue that there were close to half a dozen bridal magazines published locally and it seems as if my sister has bought an entire bookstore of them! Mum is in full swing getting things done and my father walks around looking permanently harassed! Though he did impress us all with his taste in floral arrangements when it came to deciding at the florists. Guess he thought  “If you can’t beat em , Join em!”

 

Cheerio.

So this is Christmas

When my sister and I were little, christmas used to be one of the most looked forward to days of the year, the only exception being our birthdays. We’d sit and watch mum and dad put up the tree. The dusty cardboard box that could actually hold the two of us inside it, yes we tried. My father would be the one to hoist the heavy cement pot and stick in the trunk of the tree. We always had a plastic tree, one that even today we use, 20 odd years later. It’s a common tradition this tree business. The star that would finally go on top, always by my mum. My father would be the one holding the jangled mess of lights. Some lit and twinkled merrily whilst a few needed replacing.

Santa’s letters, I remember were always discussed with my parents before we sat down to write them. My mother was particular that we write clearly, in large letters so that Santa wouldn’t get confused when he went shopping or when he magically conjured up the toys. A statement she makes even to this very day when either of us asks her to get us even the most mundane of things like a pack of pins to hold up a saree. I’d like to believe that it’s her eyesight now and possibly her memory on occassion.

“Ammi” I asked her one christmas many years ago. “How does Santa get into the house when we have gone to sleep? The doors and windows are all locked and we don’t have a chimney”

“Through the key hole darling” she said

“But he’s so big, how can he fit in?” I asked again.

“Oh he can. He has magic and can turn into any size he wants when he goes to different countries. That’s how he can fly with his sleigh and reindeer” said mum.

I was convinced. Afterall, how could he possibly never miss coming to our place on time, every single year with exactly the same thing we’d asked for. My sister being quiet and observant all this while quipped in;

“Let’s leave him some cookies tonight, he’ll be tired” and my mother agreed.

Midnight mass was not a ritual then, and we’d clamber out of bed early christmas morning before going to church and run to the tree that sat magnificent and glowing in the hall. Under it were presents and we’d sit with them in a mighty hurry to get through the wrapping. Inside the boxes, as expected were the exact toys that we’d asked for.

“Look Akki!” exclaimed my sister, barely tall enough to level with the dining table. In her hand she held a white plate, empty, but with tell tale signs of leftover cookie crumbs.

Wishing you a peaceful, blessed Christmas & a happy new year.

So my mobile can do more than just take a call

Yeah it’s my first phone blog post. This blogging from a phone thing has always had me curious. I used to wonder how big a nightmare it possibly must be for those who opted to use their phone as a mode of writing vs the good old computer or laptop. So far so good.

A letter to my 16 year old self

Thanks Sabby for the tag. Here goes.

Dear 16 year old Cadence

Hey you. You might be sceptical getting a letter from your future self. Realist that you are. Curious about how life turns out for you the next few years? Well, you’ll always be the average girl. Average in school work, sports and pretty much everything you do. Your younger sister will always outshine you, have a better report card, nicer hair and a better figure. You will only surpass her in Literature. Here my dear, you will excel. You will have our parents opposing you at every turn. At 17 you will work up the guts to throw a tantrum and say you want to be part of the cast in the Inter-School Annual Shakespeare Drama competition. You won’t get permission until 11pm the day before the final day of auditions.Our school wins the competition that year and you feel your first real rush of accomplishment and exhilaration. Our parents will realise your forte in Literature the day you write and direct your own drama and win a competition in school.

Along the way you’ll develop a certain complication that ends up with you taking large doses of steroids for an extended period of time. You’ll gain weight. ALOT. You’ll be depressed, become anti-social, avoid public gatherings, not be able to find clothes or shoe sizes that fit and pretty much live an adolescent nightmare. Nevertheless you get through it. The gym you sign up at won’t do you much good either so don’t bother. I’ll ease your mind though, you lose the weight through sheer perseverence. 20 whole kilos of it! You’ll gain another 7 more and struggle with it at my age indefinitely (I’ll let you know how that works out later on)

School for you will be very focussed. You’ll always be the kid that people borrow books from to copy notes. You’ll make short notes before exams and your teachers will like you. Clearly you’re not a big trouble maker. You’ll be decently popular in school, people will know and appreciate you for the person you are. Be proud of that. You never were one to bother with impressing people and you’ll continue to be that way even at my age.

 You won’t get to do English Literature for your A Levels. Our parents refused to sign the admission slip so don’t bother with trying to change their minds. Don’t fret either, you did ok. You end up choosing a field that your father thought was good for you, and guess what? You chose well. Guess parents are right after all. However, I’m warning you that you get so engrossed in your field a couple of years down the line that you have them at our or rather my throat for never being at home and being too involved. You’ll take to the corporate life like a fish does to water.

Boyfriends. Oh boy! You certainly don’t have a stero type do you? You have 2 boyfriends, or should I say exes? At 20 you go out with a bad boy of sorts. Tall, dark, handsome and with a pony tail! He’s everything that you’re not and it’ll be the most interesting year of your life! Differences make you part but he’ll always remain a good friend. In fact he just texted me now. The other you meet somewhere down the line of 21-22. This guy is everything your first BF wasn’t. Your parents love him, you think you do until you realise that you were just in a comfort zone. Sure you have your heart broken but 8 months down the line you’ll be ok.

Your friends in school will change. Your Tom boy best friend will get married, have a baby and move across the oceans. The others will become acquaintances and will let you down when the going gets tough…. but it’s not the end of the world, you meet some pretty awesome people you relate to and you learn to take things in your stride.

At my age you still don’t like the taste of alcohol. Maybe except for Pina-Coladas and a dash of Apple Twist. However, a trip to Nuwaraeliya in March 2009 will leave you so positively drunk that you won’t remember 30% of it! Well, until you see the photographs atleast! Yeah, you were living your “I’ll try anything once” declaration. You also went on to try raw fish and it was pretty cool. The jet-skiing is yet to come!

Your relationship with your sister never gets any closer than cordial, your mother becomes your confidante to a certain extent but you also adopt a “what they don’t know won’t hurt them” policy and sort out most of your life on your own. You’re a very independant woman and your friends tell you that you’re wiser than your years…but there will be times when you feel quite the contrary, so don’t get ahead of yourself. With independance comes a sense of isolation that you crave. Our family may not understand the need for this all the time and may think you’re shutting them out of your life. Don’t worry, it’s just you having a little me time. You also turn out to be this super responsible, in control person to the family. Keep it that way. Shaky times will ensue where they need you most.

I’m not going to tell you what to do and what not to do, because, personally I don’t think you’d want it any other way. You are exactly who you are today because of every decision and choice that has moulded you into yourself. You did okay kiddo. Now quit it already with the heightist complex and relax.

Enjoy the ride.

Love Cadence at 20 something

Tagged -Gehan, Chavie

Putting them all on…paper?

1.The weekends almost over. Going on the last few dregs. A good weekend gone by.

2. Part of it was marred by a friend’s father passing away.

3. I’m a sucker for good perfume.

4. I have a divine off white over-night bag by Burberry that I’m too parsimonious to use. Simply put I’m stingy with it.

5. I’ve sort of lost part of my waistline. Well it’s not as defined as it used to be. Time to step up on the diet. Workouts are pretty grueling so won’t be making any changes there. If I do anymore I will die.

6. I’ve mastered the French manicure, much to the envy of many friends!

7. I finally found turquoise rubber slippers and honed in on them like Cruella de Vil did on those lil Dalmatian pups.

8. Bought myself a cute white satin slip and black night robe. Always wanted a white.

9. Finished reading a book in 2 days. Haven’t done that in a while. Sophie Kinsella is a vivid story teller! Recent discovery.

10. Almost got busted by bro –in-law to be who happens to be a real jackass, on a night out about town.

11. Cut my hair short about 2 weeks ago. Now I have a head full of flicks and curls as opposed to the sleek straight look I sported for almost 5 years.

12. I MISS MY LONG STRAIGHT HAIR!

13. Had a change in job role and I’m loving it!

14. Flats beat heels any day.

15. Heading to Kandy on some work tomorrow and I’m looking forward to it. The rainy season’s here and the weather is glorious.

Have a super week all!

Warm, cheery and comforting. Convenience was just a bonus!

So my next-door-work-mate is leaving to another company. That means I’m left minus an  immediate lunch and coffee buddy. I immediately sprung to action.

Now coffee at the workplace (Tea is available too!) is a quick pop in and out with a munch on the way sorta thing. You don’t really rally a huge crowd to get your choice of beverage. Now with her leaving, I’m not too fond of sipping my java alone…and neither could I bother with stressing whom to pop down in future with.  So, I promptly went to Arpico and bought my self a coffee mate, a bottle to store some sugar in and stashed them in a large plastic box that used to be my cereal box at work. I already had a bottle of Nescafe classic gifted to me by a friend and they just fit in fine!

Snug in a tub!

Next to my collection of beverages was this! Oh boy! This is just a perfect concotion of spices in a mug! I love ginger tea and the tea bags make it that much easier to have when at work where you don’t really have the time or facility to crush fresh ginger and put it into a pot and let it boil up.

Dilmah Ginger tea

I also went and bought myself a plastic tea spoon. It clashes horribly with my canary yellow mug but I wasn’t really thinking colour co-ordination when I went beverage shopping!

Pink & Yellow

So I’m all set with my beverages. I can have it at my convenience. A quick fix to rustle up whilst going about work, and I can have it without the need to socialise with people just for the sake of a cuppa.

Cheers!

 

I’ve realised;

1. You can’t change who you are, not entirely. You can only condition your mind to do things, willingly and sometime not so willingly.
2. The sky will always be blue, the sun will always rise from the east and parents will continue to drive you out of your mind until you want to shut yourself in a vacuum and block the infernal noise out. But you still love them, even though you don’t show it as often as they’d like you to.
3. Change is the only constant and you will always be challenged and put to the test regardless of how committed and devoted you are.
4. Chauvinism does exist at workplaces and that you can very well be a victim.
5. Being tough and putting your foot down so that you’re not down trodden can cost you friends.
6. I can never change my dad or his temperament and that we will always have disagreements and differences of opinions till the end of our days.
7. The song “Butterfly Kisses” will make me cry on my wedding day when I dance with my father
8. Sitting in a petrol queue for 2 hours can be very relaxing
9. A movie will never live up to the book
10. You do eventually move on and that in your face fact helps
11. It’s ok to have a vice and indulge once in a while, but not let it get out of hand
12. As you grow older, you stop believing in fairytales and start basing your theories on cold hard evidence
13. Sometimes it’s ok to bend the rules but never to over step your boundaries
14. There is at least one thing in your life that you wish you could undo
15. You’re never too young and it’s never too late to learn, live or love

Going Domestic for a day – Strawberry,Cherry,Chocolate heaven

So it happens to be one of our close friends b’day today… and I decided to make a cake. A Strawberry jam, Whipped Cream sandwiched, Cherry chocolate ganache coated cake. First attempt at this combo so it was trial and error.

Started off with the basics. The base. Dark chocolate cake. Butter,Sugar,Eggs,flour and Chocolate powder. I’m generally a Kandos Choc powder stalwart, but since of late have discovered that Motha infact gives a better flavour and a way better colour to the cake.

After all the mixing,beating and folding were done,the cake or batter rather was ready to be popped into a 140 centigrade pre-heated oven for 45-50 minutes.

Approximately and hour later, voila! The cake.

I let it cool over night. The next step was to slice it length wise in half to sandwich it with strawberry jam and a generous layer of whipped cream. Anchor whipped cream is my personal choice. Easy to manage when sandwiching. I suck at slicing cake in half. I almost never get it sliced equally… but the gods were on my side today! Sliced and sandwiched it was ready to go in the fridge for a few mintues.

Next it was time for the chocolate ganache. My recipe for ganache is 350g of cooking chocolate, 250ml of anchor whipped cream, 2tbsp of Sugar and 2 tbsp of unslated butter. Bringing the cream, butter and sugar to a boil, next would be for the chocolate to go in. Boy that melting experience is literally mouth watering! I love watching the immaculate cream turning a mud brown!

After that was done, it was time to pour the ganache over my cake. I admit, this was the step that had me bothered a bit. I kept envisaging a pool of chocolate dripping all over the place and not setting! But like I said, the gods were in favour of me

I slipped in 4 strips of oil paper beneath the cake before placing one half on the tray. If not when this happened (look below) wiping the tray clean would have been a nightmare!

It took about 10 minutes in total for the chocolate to lazily drip its way over the cake and settle. Setting in the process. I let it sit still for about 10 minutes, checked for consistency and then popped the cake back in the fridge oil paper and all, for fear of the whipped cream sandwiched inside melting and making a mess of things.

Another 10 minutes later, it was time to decorate. Topped off the cake with glazed cherries. None of the supermarkets here had the proper tinned black cherry so I had to make do with the glazed.

Bear in mind that this is a refrigerated cake so leaving it out for too lengthy a period would be detrimental. Popped the decorated cake back in the fridge, and half an hour later came back to gently pull out the strips of oil paper from beneath. It helps to take a small knife and gently loosen the cold ganache that has dripped onto the paper before prising it away from the cake.

End result…..

Another variation to this cake would be to use tinned cherries inside instead of strawberry jam, and to top it off on top with tinned cherries as well. You can also do this same recipe with ordinary butter cake, substituting the cherries for fruit cocktail and whipped cream.

Bon apetit!

2 birthday’s and a funeral

Today happens to be our office helpers b’day. He’s the guy we run to when we need stacks of photo copyng done or when we run out of stationery. Generally it’s a practice in office that a cake is bought and a bit of a fuss made over the bday person. This includes everyone from the most senior of managers to the office helper. However, we’ve been trying to cut this cake since 10am. Generally for one of our b’days cutting it is a breeze and everyone’s around to celebrate and be a part of the do. Today, it’s been a night mare and I could see the glint of happiness in his eyes when the cake was brought in. Nevertheless, it can’t be much fun to have a cake and not have anyone around to bother enough to rally the crowd and cut it! Everyone seemed to have something more important to do, an important meeting to attend or some email that just couldnt wait 5 minutes. And there in the midst of us all, was that gaping humongous cake just sitting there like a lost puppy sans an owner. Anyhow, we did eventually cut the cake and it was delish. The b’day boy was as happy as a lark! Nevertheless, I think we could’ve shown a bit more enthusiasm for his b’day.

This weekend is going to be an interesting one. Planning another b’day party with a bunch of friends. This time around the theme’s going to be ‘Kindergarten’ The b’day boy turns the big 30 and we’re all dressing up like 3 yearolds. Thank goodness it’s just the bunch of us with no kids around or we might have caused some serious damage to them infants!

On a sadder note, a friend’s grandmother passed away today after a long battle with cancer. They knew this was coming, but I guess nothing prepares you for the loss. That’s just life.