PS I Love You

A year ago for the 5th of Sept. my sweet gentle grandmum passed away at the Durdans ICU.

One minute she was taking her morning wash and the next she was collapsed on bed holding her back in pain. Everyday there was a new tube or machine willing her to live. Everyday there was a new complication. Everyday that ensued, I would make light of the situation when I visited her. Telling her she was being her usual batty self and taking the doctors for a ride. Her eyes lit up everytime she saw me walk in. The same eyes that I saw scared and confused when she was being wheeled alone into the ICU.

Everyday for 5 days I sat outside that ICU and prayed she came out of this ok. 5 days later we saw her aged body give up the fight. I watched as the monitor flat lined and my heavily sedated grandmum raggedly breathed her last. The doctors were very kind and accomodated our request that she not know or feel any pain. Seeing her so still in that baby pink night gown, it was hard to accept that this was it. 15 years as an amputee on a wheel chair and a lifetime battling chronic diabetes, a simple back sprain took her down. I still get a lump in my throat when I think about her and I achingly miss the beautiful gentle lady who brought us up with so much love and kindness.

I rest easy knowing that she is now in the best of hands. Free of all worldly limitations. 

I love you Aachchi. I always will.

3 Years

That’s how long C and I have been married for this month/year. Our actual anniversary is on the 25th but we’ll be too busy holidaying on some pretty island/bay/cave which I am deliriously looking forward to :)

C is the man. He’s my biggest inspiration,my rock and a reminder that I can in fact love someone so completely & unselfishly. 3 years together we’ve grown in so many ways and I continue to count our blessings and have much to be thankful for. Happy Anniversary baby. I love you ♡ You complete me.

Iron Lady

I wonder if you’re around
Or better yet
Off walking with him
On some gentle shore,
I wonder if you can see us
And if you know
How much we miss you
And think of you.
Driving in
is not the same anymore
when I look at the window 
you used to sit by
watching the road
patiently
counting tuk tuks
and blue cars that look like mine.
“One day at a time”
Will never
sound the same again.

Men are from Mars. Women from Earth.

** An excerpt of a conversation between hub and I about meeting friends on Friday night. He’s due to travel out of the country (again!) on the immediate Monday **

Me : Are we meeting up with the gang tonight bubs?
C   : Can we meet up tomorrow?
Me : I guess, if the others are free.
C   : I will most likely be getting home late tonight angel so will be too tired for a meet up              tonight
Me : Ok, so I’ll say we can’t make it tonight then. Let’s do a movie night at home or                       something
C    : You can still go ahead and meet them if you like baba
Me  : No I’d rather spend the last few days with you :p
C    : You sound like I’m going to die :p
Me  : *facepalm*

The chronicles of C&C! Stay tuned :P :)

Little things

Falling asleep comes easy

when my head lies against your strong chest

when that soapy earthy smell is what I inhale

just before drifting off.

When rough skin is comforting

& familiar around my shoulders,

all I need to do is

Breathe.

Wanderlust

“See all the places you want to see! travel before you get married” I naively told myself many many years ago. Well that ship sailed sometime back.

 I’ve traveled as a kid/adolescent, extensively thanks to my dad’s job that took us all over the globe. I even managed to do a solo ‘just out of school’ scoot to a few countries and it was ok. Yet, back in the day, travelling was just another thing we did. Mundane almost. Hiking up the Eiffel tower was painful. Cruising down the Rheine, I spent time with my nose between a book! School holidays in London and Germany were mostly spent indoors or at a mall having ice cream. I refused to get off the tour coach at the Louvre when I heard the museum took a couple of days to get through and I didn’t trust my parents enough to have a look at Napoleon and the Mona Lisa and get out. I have mentally kicked myself since.

Now, I find the travel bug hitting big time but priorities get in the way. Tiny voices in my head keep saying “oh but you have other commitments, what about that thing you wanted to do to the house.., oh but with that money you could do SO much and get SO MANY things out of the way” etc etc and the nagging voice in my head though faint is persistent and very present. It’s annoying.

I want to see places. I want to visit Scotland, revisit the London I’d been to in my teens and make the trip to the Stonehenge. I want to see the famed Inca civilization in Machu Pichu and tour the Greek Islands. I want to go to Venice and Japan and see the Colosseum in Rome. Brazil during the carnival and a trip to the Andaman Islands just coz it looks so goddamn beautiful.  

 If only that  fucking voice in my head would just go away.

Only for a while

With a kiss
Your hands through my hair
A long bear hug goodbye
You’re gone
Even only for a while
And your perfume
Lingers on my skin
And lulls me to sleep
Even only for awhile.

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